Looking Back to Move Forward
Or something like that...
It's been one of those years that needs more than a day or two to really reflect on. There have been a lot of highlights and lowlights for the past year, and it makes me think the word I chose for the year (Forge) was really the perfect word to focus on.
Whenever I'm given the choice between good news and bad news, I always want to hear the bad news first. So, let's start with some lowlights.
Lowlights
Some significant things have happened in my life this past year. Both my wife and I started new jobs this year, and although that doesn't sound like a massive thing, this job represented a massive change in my life. I've worked for myself for the better part of 15 years, so I only have a vague recollection of what it's like to be a part of an organization and a team. As a part of accepting these jobs, we packed up our family and moved three hours North, to a town that we know very few individuals. In the middle of acclimatizing to a new job, moving, and having my wife gone for a month in training, I decided it was a good idea to continue with my plan of releasing a book.
Now you may be thinking, aren't these good things, Jason? I would answer that with an unequivocal - YES - however, doing all of those things at the same time, for someone already dealing with some pretty heavy anxiety, was the perfect storm. While the outcomes have been great, the process of getting there was definitely a struggle, and it took a massive toll on my mental health, and as much self-care and strategies that I tried to employ, nothing worked well enough to take that edge off. So for the first time, I found myself on a low dose of anti-anxiety medications to help me cope, which was a really difficult decision for me.
Although my employment has been a wonderful shift for me, it's also shown me how much I really loved (most of) what I was doing for work (more on that later!). But it also showed me how married I was to my work and how it took up the majority of my life. Virtually everything I did (outside of my family) was around work. I loved photography, and turned it into an avenue for my work by taking pictures for social media and websites, and learning videography so that I could make my own online courses. The writing that I've always loved doing, turned into a chore where I felt stuck only writing about certain topics that I knew would build trust in my ability to be a coach and leader for organizations and communities. The majority of hobbies that I have loved in the past, were seemingly stripped of their passion, and the only thing that was left in them was the question of - will this drive business?
All this to say is that this year has left me beyond exhausted. One of the first definitions of the word Forge (my word of the year for last year) is to make or shape by heating and beating, or hammering. And I'm definitely ending the year tired, exhausted and in need of some rest.
Highlights
It's been incredible to reflect on how the very act of moving, learning a new organization, and releasing a book have been incredibly stressful; they are also my highlights as the outcome of those things has been life-giving - all for different reasons.
One gift in getting a job is that it definitely takes the pressure off of doing some of the things that I didn't really like doing in my job (like finding new clients, bookkeeping, etc.). It's one of the reasons, about a week or two after releasing my book, that I just disappeared from the internet...which is, arguably, the worst time to disappear! Did it have an impact on how the book sold? Absolutely, but it also kept me sane, and in the long run...will it actually matter? The book will find the people it needs when it needs to, and no release date is going to change that!
Another unexpected benefit of getting a job was the chance to reflect on 15 years of working for myself. I've really realized just how much I have loved most of the work that I've done. The honour and privilege of journeying alongside others through conflict, leadership, and grief has been a gift I don't take lightly. Having the opportunity to stand in front of hundreds of people one moment, and the next jumping on a call with one person to discuss a situation. Or facilitating a conversation between two people who haven't been able to have a conversation in a long time, or filling a classroom with laughter and "ah-ha" moments! My work, and my clients, have taken me all over North America, and have given me so many fun and amazing opportunities. But the thing that sticks with me the most, is the people that I've got to meet, their willingness to let me witness their pain and frustration, and the vulnerability and strength that these folks exhibited. As much knowledge that I've shared with others, I have definitely been the lucky one in the knowledge that I've received from those same people.
The last highlight that I'll share, and this probably won't come as a surprise...is that my book has been finally released, and not just released, but is officially an Amazon bestseller! For anyone that has read the book, you can imagine the heartache and tears that went into this book, but what I'm most proud of is the conversation that it has started for people, and with people. I have had the honour of getting so many amazing messages from people, some that I know, and others that are complete strangers, that have shared how the book has impacted them.
Some Stats
To be honest, I really don't care much about stats, and even less these days. But for the sake of transparency, I thought it might be a good exercise to let you know some of the stats after being on Substack for my first full year. So...without any fanfare, here they are (not including this post of course...):
20 posts published
528 Subscribers
51% 30-day open rate
1 Future pledge to support my work :-)
For a grand total of over 11,300 views.
My most popular posts from this year were:
Word for 2024
As you might surmise from some of the above reflections, I've started the process of coming back to myself. And I'm going to be exploring that idea quite a bit in the New Year. So the word that is coming to me for the upcoming year is:
WONDER
Reclaiming that childlike wonder that I used to have. Getting curious and diving into to wonder about life - both the joys and the challenges. A chance to slow down and see things more through my children's eyes and I think, most importantly, to reclaim and rediscover those things that bring me wonder and joy.
So that's where we've been and where we are going! If you're still here reading this, know that you are appreciated, that you are worthy, and that you are loved! Looking forward to connecting with you in the New Year!
with gratitude,
Jason
Beautiful reflection Jason. I love the “wonder”! Happy New Year.