Do Men Deal With Body Issues?
Every January, you’ll hear the words “New Year, new me…” muttered a few times. The gyms will be fuller, people will try out “dry January,” and the Whole 30 website will get a spike in traffic. There’s something about a new year that we say to ourselves, “This is the year I’m going to turn heads on the beach.”
No? Just me?
For as long as I can remember, I have not felt comfortable in my body. I was too skinny. Too gangly. Not muscular enough. My teeth aren’t straight enough. I was too short. Then I was too tall! I wasn’t fast enough, coordinated enough, or old enough.
Then I grew up and thought all those thoughts and “problems” would disappear. That I would just learn to love myself for who I was and what I looked like. But it didn’t happen.
Now I become resentful when my body doesn’t respond the way I want it to. I become resentful that I can’t eat the way I used to. I’m too fat. I’m not muscular enough. I can’t grow a full enough beard. My teeth aren’t white enough. I get hurt too easily.
This past week I went to the Dominican Republic, and honestly, I had full intentions of “turning heads on the beach.” But…well…life happened 🤷. In my mind, it was just another example of how I had failed. I can't even stay disciplined for a couple of months to not eat the chips and drink the gluten so that I can look KILLER on the sunny beaches of DR!
Lots of Shame in the Body Game
I’ve been having lots of conversations with men lately—conversations about mental health, grief, and, yes, even body image. Body image is one of those things we don’t typically talk about, but it has a massive impact on our world. How we see ourselves impacts what we think about ourselves. It impacts our personalities and our sense of adventure. And when we have zero confidence in how we view ourselves, it permeates into the rest of our life. It impacts our romantic relationships, our friendships, and our work relationships. It impacts how we interact with the world around us.
The day before we left for the Dominican, I said to my wife, “Well….I guess it’s too late to get ‘beach ready,’ eh?” We both chuckled, and yet, there was some hidden shame there too.
Shame that my view of who I should be and the person I currently am, do not align. Shame that every marketing message I see and hear tells me that I’m not strong enough, fit enough, thin enough, muscular enough, or sexy enough. Shame that I can’t seem to not cheat on any “diet” I’ve tried. Shame that I don’t live up to my expectations, and maybe even the expectations of others.
This week, I sat stretched out in my lounge chair by the pool, sipping my strawberry daiquiri, I had a thought: If I want my kids to grow up to be strong and confident in themselves, I need to stop hating myself.
As I mentioned, I’ve dealt with body issues for(seemingly)ever, and I know that it’s not a short journey to inhabit my body in a healthy way. But there is something about noticing where we are and where we’d like to be, and then moving in that general direction.
I don’t tell you all this for a pity party or even to be held accountable for anything specific. Instead, I tell you this because I know I’m not the only one that struggles with this, and to let you know that you’re not alone in your struggles either.
Life is brutal; life is beautiful.
We’re in this together.